when you turn your back

i am at my brothers apartment... and i have never seen a more bachelor pad esque scene in my entire life... sorry mike if this is incriminating, but the desks are COVERED in dr. pepper and colt 45 cans, there are two cans of dip on the desk, the mouse rests on a LIGHT BULB WRAPPER, and there is virtually nothing else in the room aside from mike's pet turtles, wesley and princess buttercup. damn. and of course my brother just busted out the headpiece for his star wars galaxies guild war... (insert nerd voice here.) in other news, i pierced my nose.
madison

my first time on lj in over a month and i alredy have a responsibility to carry out. thanks bills

List five songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artist and the song in your blog along with your five songs. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

1. something corporate - little
2. the decemberists - 16 military wives
3. coldplay - fix you
4. radiohead - there there (the boney king of nowhere)
5. dave matthews band - hello again

i dont feel like tagging five people nor do i know how to do it. this is like a panty circle... i really hope that someone knows what that is...

its been a while indeedy. this day will burn is staying at mi casa tonight. check em out they were actually really good. very talented group of guys. anyway. i am happy right now but today was not good. i am so tired of all these headaches and some bad news kinda disrupted my chipper mood. be praying for our church, it seems like a lot is going wrong.
madison

so i may have met someone... i really want to wait and see if this is from God, but he is an amazing person. this is odd for me. i need to have faith that god's ways are better than my ways. lack of obedience = lack of faith. Colossians is kicking my butt. anyone else? god is so good
madison

my dad makes me so mad sometimes. he is NEVER here and i NEVER talk to him and he does not know me at all. and he will just randomly say these irritating demanding way too cliche parenting things and i just think,"he has no right to tell me this...." it is ridiculously frustrating. i know that i shoud respect him and i do but it just annoys me. mom can tell me what to do. dad need not pipe in, she's doin just fine, shes been doin just fine for 18 years.
madison
ps- i start at starbucks tomorrow... yay.

i have made a mistake that has cost me a very dear friend and carrying out the will of God that i knewi needed to do. but i put my own wants ahead of it. i am so angry at myself and i miss him so much. i hope he knows. this is terrible.
madison

i think that i have never felt so lazy and unaccomplished in my entire existence haha. school is almost over and it has got to be the most irritating thing for teachers ever to know that their students not only dont care, but have no intention of making any effort for the remainder of their year or trying to make a decent grade on their final. oh well. thank God for summer. its going to be a good one, a busy one. two jobs and so much i want to read. and getting ready for (gasp) college life. im going to miss fba. im going to miss high school i really am. i am going to miss alot of these people and what they have come to mean to me. i hope that i have made an impression on them like they have on me. i hope that i am as memorable to some of them as i know that i will never be able to forget their faces and personalities and sayings and quirks and tendnencies in class. its so interesting. how can there be so many personalities?
madison
i was afraid to be alone, but now im scared thats how i like to be.

mother's day. i love my mom yall. shes so awesome. ive been pretty happy lately, but so so far away from jesus. i dont like this im so confused. i need to get back on track like now.
madison

A - Age you got your first kiss: 13
B - Band listening to right now: bob dylan
C - Cats or Dogs: dogs... definately
D - Dad's name: david mildan (the worst middle name of all time) king
E - Easiest person to talk to: jillian and josh s.
F - Favorite bands at the moment: dylan, zeppelin, aerosmith, bright eyes, something corporate, elliott smith
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: haribo bears biatch!
H - Hometown: dallas
I - Instruments: guitar, drums, harmonica kinda
J - Junior High Crush: corey k... awwww
K - Kids: want one daughter and one son
L - Longest car ride ever: colorado... holy poo cow 24 hours
M - Mom's name: judy anne king (judith anne!)
N - Nicknames: mads, madi, madimoo, madigan, madagascar, pirate, m-dog, peej
O - One wish: to meet steven tyler
P - Phobia[s]: someone touching both of my shoulders at the same time from behind
Q - Quotes: "be who you are and say what you feel because in the end the people who mind wont matter and the people who matter wont mind." dr. suess
R - Reason to smile: hosea 6:1
S- Last song you heard: one more cup of coffee - bob dylan
T - Time you woke up [today]: 6 am
U - Unknown fact about me: im really self conscious about the way i say "eight" and "stupid"
V - Vegetable you hate: any bean but black beans
W - Worst habit(s): biting nails, taking ibuprophen, burping, saying "damn"
X - X-rays you've had: stomach (swolloed a lego head... thought it was a lemon drop ok???)
Y - Yummy food: meat and potatoes... mmm together
Z - Zodiac sign: aries

read the next one!
madison <>

blah... getting over being sick is so not fun. i guess tis better than actually being sick, but only a little. ANYWAY i love kahia. i am so glad that i work at jeanconnection. today was so boring... ap test, and then that horrid senior luncheon (why did we need to dress up if EVERYONE in the room was from fba??? i dont understand.) i feel like i have so many friends that i have not talked to in so long... ali and charley... i verge on tears every time i think of the good times, mesquite crew, bobblehead, jay... so so sad. this summer brings exciting times. i start at starbucks in a couple weeks which will be interesting at least, and finally summer. end of high school and beginning of... something else i guess... more school. i am scared to go to smu. everyone says ill find my niche... but what if i dont. thank goodness for new friends. be praying for lori blakely's family, at least she gets to be with our Jesus. so sad for everyone here though.
madison

today is senior shred day... i cant believe that this is the last day in my entire life that i am going to wear a uniform. crazy. after 13 years. hahaha. its lovely. tonight i am going to the ranger's game apparently we are good. i really hope that i am entertained the whole time lol. i am so add.
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i am feelin better as of late. life is goin good aside from school royally sucking. new jeans make me happy always lol and God is good. i hate it when i forget that nothing can comfort me or make me happy like He can. church tonight. i miss my friends i had a great time this past weekend. jr. sr. is friday which will be fun with cory yay! i got my pics developed today and someone took a pic of their bare butt... i have no idea who but i did not take it. gross. anyway. come to church tonight if you read this and want to.
peace!
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come, let us return to the Lord
He has torn us to pieces
but He will heal us;
He has injured us
but He will bind up our wounds.
after two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in His presence.
let us acknowledge the Lord;
let us press on to acknowledge Him.

Hosea6.1

this seems just as hard and frustrating as it is beautiful and comforting.

i think i sleep entirely too much... dang. it feels like i have a black eye which means one of two things:
a) i have a black eye
b) i have a stye.
both are equally uncomfy so im hoping for a) because at least thats kinda cool
peace.
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ps- the other day i asked myself,"hey madi, if you had to listen to 20 seconds of a song on repeat for the rest of eternity, what would it be?" by the end of yesterday i had decided that i would pick something that didnt change in melody at all, so i could just forget about it, but i think that after today i would go with the guitar solo from "look at little sister.

this has been a fairly alright weekend! i had alot of fun out in denton last night with joshua. i love that kid and it was great meeting andy finally and everybody else who was out there too that was a cool group of kids. church this morning was awesome stan is amazing i am so glad to be able to hear him on a regular basis. anyhoo. i havent heard from "him" in a while... which is probably not a bad thing. maybe this will finally make me do what i know i should do but dont want to do. dang this is really tearin me up lol. i smell like outside and i dont like it. anyway...
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twas nice talking to becca and ian tonight. i love them. they are so right about everything even though i totally dont want to admit it at all lol. i think that im going to be alright everyone... so rest easy. i miss bobblehead and i wish that he hadnt fallen off the face of the planet. if you read this brandon, i luv u and i miss you and i hope youre well and your new job is amazing! i hope that i get to talk to you very soon.

pray for lori blakely and her family. God can do anything.

me and mom are arguing alot. getting on each other's nerves... i love her though and i know that we are going to be ok. church was good tonight. praise the Lord for tricia and hope. yay!
love you trish.
love you ash.
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new piercing hooray! its a lil sore today... i got an orbital and its so sweet but a lil swollen so its not as sweet as its going to be in about a week... the countdown begins. i have had a great weekend it was so awesome to see pables, brandon, and justin and get to chill with them. unfortunately my friend is going through a really tough time and might have to move away from me which would sadden me beyond all measure. when i found out i actually teared up a bit. so be praying for his school situation please! anyway im struggling with something that i wish i wasnt struggling with? why is it so hard to do what i know i need and should do...? why cant i stop doing what i shouldnt do? dang. conundrum

mads <><

better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

"And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth."
Genesis 1:26-28

isnt it kind of ridiculous to think that we as humans have some kind of "right" to do as we want and live as we please? i think the concept of "surrendering your life to Christ" honestly, is crap. its not ours to surrender. its more like... returning the life that you stole to its owner who knew it was you the whole time and just decided not to press charges immediately. but i guess that takes longer to say. And i dont live like this. im a hypocrite... and im selfish... but right now im just grateful.

im freakin scared right now.
im at the point where i dont want to go to smu in the fall. im leaving for the summer most likely and i keep considering what it would be like if i just never came back. i dont want to miss out on everything that ive ever wanted to do. i feel like im this ambitious, crazy, spontaneus person thats settling for a normal well educated life. that is not what i want. WHAT THE HELL DO I WANT?
i know someone who i love so much... he/she would never settle for this... i want to run away. i bet he/she would go with me...
someone come with me, please?
i cant be alone